The following questions (to the left) will give you a sense of how well you are at implementinvg healthy boundaries.  Healthy boundaries involve a balance of both grace and truth, and are able to be modified and varied based upon the type of person you find yourself interacting with, the type of relationship you have with the person, and the context. 

 

Going to either of the extremes is not healthy, and either likely makes you a likely doormat (which is not a loving thing to become, as it simply enables dysfunctional and selfish people to remain as they are), or an emotionally reactive and hurtful person (which is NOT the solution to the fear of being taken advantage of by selfish people) .

So, ready to find out how you do?  Click on the questions to begin:

 

                You have been told by your boyfriend that "You are the only one for him," yet you find him communicating with multiple women while online and through social media Instant Messanger (IM). You ask him about it, and he causually answers that he has lots of friends, and he tries to keep in touch with them all, as he wants to be a good friend, and he finds it good for his marketing strategy.

How should you respond?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Where would you rate him on the Continuum of Character?

What should you make of him, in terms of his potential to make a quality life partner?

   A) Well meaning, but does not really understand your needs.

   B) Nice guy, but needs to mature of he is to truly experience a close relationship.

   C) Someone who, with enough encouragement, will be able to learn what it means to be close to a woman.

  D) Someone who is likely playing you for a fool, and is simply stringing you along for the ride.

    E) Someone who can mature into a decent committed man, if you explain that the two of you should take some time away until he can decide what he really wants. 

Get even
Get even

INCORRECT You will simply allow him to continue to disrespect you, by taking you for granted

Increase charm
Increase charm

INCORRECT Being nicer will only extent his behavior

Entice him
Entice him
Be patient
Be patient
Act Frustrated
Act Frustrated
Keep busy
Keep busy
Walk away
Walk away
Rethink things
Rethink things
Find another
Find another

CORRECT

Though the guy is likely still playing the field, ultimately a part of you has been blind to this character trait. Get distance from him, and take the time necessary to figure out what was appealing about such an elusive guy.

 

          You feel like Cinderella, always ending up being used and taken for granted by more than one Prince Charming, who said all the right things, only to morph into someone who no longer cherished you, but treated you just like your family did... as the one to do all the work and expected to smile and pretend that everything is just fine. 

How should you tell him that things are going to be different from now on?