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Submitted by a male Survivor of childhood sexual abuse.
                    --Born with Shame--

In the depths of my past, a journey unfolds,

Reflecting on the seeds I've sown, stories untold. 
When asked of my history, a tale I would spin, 
Whispering admissions of perceived sin.

 

Born premature, in a world so cold,

From a mother addicted, her story untold.

Living in shadows, where darkness held sway,

A turbulent start, shaping me every day.

 

No words to father, mother, kin,

Nor siblings' ears to let their voices in.

No dwelling, no grandpa's loving embrace,

No grandma's warmth, no solace to chase.

 

My birth certificate, a silent reminder,

A blank space, a wound that grows wider.

Rejection engraved on that fragile sheet,

Fueling doubts, causing my heart to retreat.

 

From birth, they stripped my rightful claim,

With no possession sacred, no hope to tame.

Even my flesh, denied as my own,

A tragedy endured, a truth I've known.

 

For years, burdened by self-imposed blame,

Believing I was the one, the child of shame.

Instinctively, I still say I was hard to bear,

A troubled soul, too difficult to care.

 

But it was a falsehood, a twisted perception,

The monters, the groomers mere fabrication.

I wonder if I will ever be able to reclaim,

The parts of me they have stolen and defamed.

 

I was left with scars no one could see,

And pain that would never truly set me free,

The chains they put on all around my spine,

A darkness, I was forced to confine.

 

Groomers prey on innocence with no empathy or care,

Leaving nothing but shame and despair,

A weight upon my soul that I cannot shake,

No matter how much I try or how much I ache.

 

Within the ink of sorrow, pain takes form,

Crafting a tale of anguish, its depth forlorn.

An abandon child, stripped of all, left alone,

Whispered secrets silenced, forever unknown.

 

Still, I am grateful to God for the gift of my heart,

A spirit resilient, refusing to fall apart.

For it is in the deepest challenges we face,

That the hand of God provides the embrace.

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The Impact of Trauma

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Understanding Your Inner World
Internal Family Systems
Dr. Richard Schwartz, Ph.D.,
Harvard School of Medicine
Inner Parts Explained
Dr. Frank Anderson, MD
Harvard School of Medicine
For those who've experienced significant trauma, often times, it leaves one with parts of themselves that became segmented and separated. The experience can be difficult to understand without help from those who understand the idea of trauma-related "parts." Additionally, it can feel like you are the only one who experiences this internal phenomenon. The following site has been recommended by a Survivor, who has found the following group and organization to be a good sources of support and connection with others who also were likewise impacted by trauma. 
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The Plural Association.org
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Healing Wounded Inner
Dr. Richard Schwartz, Ph.D.,
Harvard School of Medicine
3 Ways Trauma Changes the Brain
Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, MD.
As I work with Survivors who have experienced sexual trauma, and now live with the experience of "parts", they are often confused as to understand the phenomenon of dissociation and "switching", and how to understand how their parts, their various mood states, and their emotional shifting. A brave client of mine has offered the following drawing to help things make sense. The parts will often have names as you get to know them, and will communicate with you and each other, if you allow them to, during your journaling process. 
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Consequences of Sexual Abuse
The Effect of Trauma on the Brain and How it Affects Behaviors,  John Rigg 
The Paradox of Trauma-Informed Care, 
Vicky Kelly
When Time Doesn't Heal All Wounds,  Dr. Robert K. Ross
The Polyvagal Theory: Looking at Trauma from a New Perspective, Stephen Porges, PhD
The Neuroscience of PTSD/ The Brain and PTSD
Do Different Traumas Cause Different Forms of PTSD?
Trauma Resolution and Addiction Treatment, Dr. Peter Levine
Dr. Peter Levine about stress and trauma recovery, resilience, Somatic Experiencing, and more.
What is Complex PTSD and How Can it Be Managed?      Dr. Frank Ochberg
What are Emotional Triggers and How Can We Manage Them?
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